Hi KC,
Unfortunately, for someone with a full-blown porn
addiction, its going to take something huge to
get his attention. Addictions--whatever they
are--take on a life of their own and begin to
drive the behavior of the addict. At that point,
the addict has no control over the addiction, it
has control of them, and the only way they will
be able to escape is if someone (with the help of
God) intervenes and pulls them out. I call it a
"pigpen moment" (a reference to the story of the
prodigal son) when he realizes that he has hit
rock bottom and has to reach out to God for help.
What that means for you is that you are going to
have to love him with "tough love."
Sit him down and tell him you know that his
behavior is destructivce to him, to you, and to
your marriage, and that it can't go on. Make a
plan to leave him (by that I mean move out of the
house, or kick him out) if he doesn't straighten
out by a specific date. If he truly loves you,
the prospect of losing you will get his attention
big time. I speak from experience, because the
prospect of losing my wife was the only thing
that ever prompted me to get off my rear and do
something to get healthy.
Both Focus on the Family and Familylife have
sections of their websites dedicated to helping
the spouse of people struggling with Sexual
addiction, so I would encourage you to read
those. I don't know if you are involved in a
church, but if you are, you may be able to get
someone to help you do the intervention if you
are uncomfortable confronting your husband alone.
If your husband responds to the intervention, and
is willing to do something about his addiction, I
recommend the 30 day devotional guide on this
website ... its probably the most helpful guide I
have seen so far. Dr. Laaser hits the nail right
on the head for addiction and how to get beyond
it. Its a gradual process, but it can lead to
victory. I am on my third year of fighting my own
addiction, and although I am not free of
temptation, I am walking in victory over the
temptation, and my marriage is the better for
it.
So call your husband on the carpet, lay down your
conditions, and pray for him like there is no
tommorrow. Then let God do His work, because only
God can change your husband.
by flathillfarm, 1 year, 2 months ago
I have been burdened regarding cremation. My
mother and several siblings have cremated and
that is what I want. Please, please tell me if it
is a sin. I am now over 70 and need some advice
soon. Rhank you.
by sngrimes, 1 year, 2 months ago
About the cremation question. Freedom Begins Here
has resources and hope for those struggling with
pornography, lust, sexual addiction, and these
sort of issues. Cremation is not a subject that
we deal with in relation to the Freedom Begins
Here resources.
You may wish to talk to your pastor or priest,
depending on the church that you prefer or
attend. I would hope that they could and would
talk that issue through with you to your
satisfaction.
by Rick, 1 year, 2 months ago
Hi KC,
I'm sorry to hear about your struggle but be
encouraged because there is hope in Christ. I am
a recovering sexual addict and very well versed
with your husband's situation. Sexual addiction
like many other addictions is very selfish and
self-centered. Your husband is in his own
"fantasy" world trying to satisfy his needs and
only his needs. He is lying to you and to himself
when he uses the excuse of viewing pornography
because there is no sexual intimacy between you
and him. I agree with the first response. You
need to lay down the law and make him very aware
of the consequences of his actions. When my wife
found out about my online escapades and sexual
indiscretions she made it very clear on how this
violated our marriage and our family. I was at
the point of losing everything unless I got
sound, Christ-centered help. Don't be manipulated
by him trying to turn the tables around and make
you the reason for his addiction. Call him out
and ask him to get help or he will lose
everything. Pray to the Lord for Wisdom and
Strength during this tough time. God is in
control and will see you and your husband through
this. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless.
by Mario, 1 year, 2 months ago