Facing your Goliath
From FBH team member Rick Dimmitt:
Sometimes the battles we face seem as though they are GIANTS that can not be defeated. The battle is too long, too hard, and too tough. It is just easier to surrender.
In and of ourselves, of course, that would be correct. However, as believers in Jesus Christ, we are not in and of ourselves. We have the Sword of the Word of God and the Power of the Spirit of God, and so much more!
So, as David ran towards the giant Goliath saying, "You come against me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord God Almighty", please remember who you are going into battle with and that the God you serve and that loves you is bigger than any giant you ever will face!
He is not just a god or even just God. The God we serve is THE GOD. That is capital G, capital O, capital D, G-O-D, G-O-D, G-O-D, G-O-D!
So, run towards your giant with Him, and victories will be won.
Real Stories
Each week we receive emails from courageous members of the FBH family. We are always amazed by the transparency that we see in men and women facing their “giants.”
Here’s a portion of Steve’s story (last name withheld), which he finally decided to write down and share after watching Clay & Renee Crosse’s testimony from the FreedomBeginsHere™ Personal ToolKit.
Most stories start in the beginning. Mine starts toward the end. That's when the secret of my sexual addiction was no longer a secret. At the time, I was deeply involved in a vibrant church. I felt like I was giving it my all and I remember worshiping on Sunday mornings when…I prayed eagerly that God would use me. His response to my active seeking came completely unexpected and with such a jolt that it shook at the very core of who I was and how I perceived myself as a man.
In my search, God began to ask me if I really loved Him. And, like Peter, I emphatically answered, "YES, LORD, I DO!" And, again like Peter, He didn't just ask me once. He asked me several times. I found myself getting frustrated with this nagging question, "Do you really love me?" I really didn't see what was coming next when God simply proposed to me (and there was no way denying it): "If you love me, then what about this…?" He took a flashlight and shined it on a dark part of my life that I felt I had kept secret from everyone, from Him, from my wife, and perhaps even unwittingly to myself. I was nailed. I cannot begin to say how immobilized it made me feel. How could I hide the secret anymore? There was a part of me, I guess, that was relieved I no longer had to live in the secret but at the same time, if I had to be honest, there was a part of me that really didn’t want to give it up. What I was doing seemed pleasurable for the moment but in the end it was only temporary and ultimately it only brought about more emptiness and more isolation
So, out of nothing else but fear I guess, I took the next step. Because I had to! I joined a group of men who were total strangers to me - men who were struggling with and recovering from their own sexual addiction. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined being this honest and transparent with other men; seems like it’s against our nature…Perhaps freedom began there, but in the early days I didn't feel freedom at all. I felt nothing but shame, guilt and condemnation. It was even weeks before I could muster up the courage to tell my wife of what I had been doing. The hurt and pain and anger and sadness she felt was deep, all because of my “secret sin-life”. Whether it’s an actual physical affair, an emotional one or a fantasy one that comes about as you fill your eyes and your mind with porn, it’s still adulterous. My wife was able to share with me that was exactly how she felt.
For me, it hasn't happened overnight. I've learned that I can be forgiven of my sin but the consequences of the sin remain. I sometimes wish I could magically make these consequences go away but I cannot do this any more than I can make my addiction just go away. So I work recovery.
I continue to work at restoring my marriage but it's not been easy for me or for my wife. It grieves me that I have hurt her in this way. I have to remind myself that perhaps she may not ever understand my struggle but that’s ok. I just want her to understand how deeply I love her and that there are times when I marvel and I am perplexed at how fortunate a man I am to have her in my life. When Satan tries to tell me none of this will work out I try to remind myself that God’s desire is to redeem all of this. I am finding this redemption as I surrender to His will each day. My wife and I have settled the commitment issue in our marriage once and for all. We want our marriage to last. So we both work through this.
Above all else I am realizing that there is no way I'm going to make it on my own or by my own willpower. God knows where my own willpower got me to in the first place. When I acknowledge my willpower has failed, it turns me to God. At the end of myself, I find God and I have to trust that He will do for me what I could never do for myself. I have to have other men in my life that I can be completely truthful and completely transparent with, even at those times when I don't feel like it or want to.
And my freedom began there…
Do you have a story to tell? Don’t be shy. Your story could be key to someone else’s first step to freedom. We have set up a specific place at freedombeginshere.org for your stories. Be sure to check out www.freedombeginshere.org/?page=stories to read the testimonies of others and share your own story with others.
In my search, God began to ask me if I really loved Him. And, like Peter, I emphatically answered, "YES, LORD, I DO!" And, again like Peter, He didn't just ask me once. He asked me several times. I found myself getting frustrated with this nagging question, "Do you really love me?" I really didn't see what was coming next when God simply proposed to me (and there was no way denying it): "If you love me, then what about this…?" He took a flashlight and shined it on a dark part of my life that I felt I had kept secret from everyone, from Him, from my wife, and perhaps even unwittingly to myself. I was nailed. I cannot begin to say how immobilized it made me feel. How could I hide the secret anymore? There was a part of me, I guess, that was relieved I no longer had to live in the secret but at the same time, if I had to be honest, there was a part of me that really didn’t want to give it up. What I was doing seemed pleasurable for the moment but in the end it was only temporary and ultimately it only brought about more emptiness and more isolation
So, out of nothing else but fear I guess, I took the next step. Because I had to! I joined a group of men who were total strangers to me - men who were struggling with and recovering from their own sexual addiction. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined being this honest and transparent with other men; seems like it’s against our nature…Perhaps freedom began there, but in the early days I didn't feel freedom at all. I felt nothing but shame, guilt and condemnation. It was even weeks before I could muster up the courage to tell my wife of what I had been doing. The hurt and pain and anger and sadness she felt was deep, all because of my “secret sin-life”. Whether it’s an actual physical affair, an emotional one or a fantasy one that comes about as you fill your eyes and your mind with porn, it’s still adulterous. My wife was able to share with me that was exactly how she felt.
For me, it hasn't happened overnight. I've learned that I can be forgiven of my sin but the consequences of the sin remain. I sometimes wish I could magically make these consequences go away but I cannot do this any more than I can make my addiction just go away. So I work recovery.
I continue to work at restoring my marriage but it's not been easy for me or for my wife. It grieves me that I have hurt her in this way. I have to remind myself that perhaps she may not ever understand my struggle but that’s ok. I just want her to understand how deeply I love her and that there are times when I marvel and I am perplexed at how fortunate a man I am to have her in my life. When Satan tries to tell me none of this will work out I try to remind myself that God’s desire is to redeem all of this. I am finding this redemption as I surrender to His will each day. My wife and I have settled the commitment issue in our marriage once and for all. We want our marriage to last. So we both work through this.
Above all else I am realizing that there is no way I'm going to make it on my own or by my own willpower. God knows where my own willpower got me to in the first place. When I acknowledge my willpower has failed, it turns me to God. At the end of myself, I find God and I have to trust that He will do for me what I could never do for myself. I have to have other men in my life that I can be completely truthful and completely transparent with, even at those times when I don't feel like it or want to.
And my freedom began there…
Get Help. Get Equipped. Get Involved.
Have you ever heard the phrase — “90 percent of men admit to struggling with pornography and sexual sin – the other 10 percent are just lying about it?”It always makes us chuckle, until we realize the sad truth of that statement. And it’s not just men. Women are becoming more and more transparent about their own struggle with lust and pornography. It’s an epidemic. In the church.
That’s why Freedom Begins Here is so important – for you and the people you know. It is our hope and prayer that this e-newsletter will encourage you and those you know to make a difference. Tell others about it by forwarding this email to friends and coworkers. You can share this e-newsletter by sharing this link http://www.freedombeginshere.org/newsletters/ with your friends and co-workers.
Your next steps? You may or may not be addicted or struggling with pornography, but you probably know someone who is. Visit www.freedombeginshere.org and order a Personal ToolKit, Accountability Pack, and/or Church ToolKit to begin to make a difference today. It’s your move.
Our Mission
Freedom Begins Here™ was created in response to countless emails and phone calls from pastors and individuals looking for resources to really help with the problem of pornography and sexual addiction. Not just another book to read or a twelve-step program. Not a band-aid to cover the wound or a pill to mask the pain. We need to begin to shine the light of truth on the darkness by honestly talking about the problem, admitting our weaknesses and failings, and walk together in ruthless accountability.